at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
