I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
