he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
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No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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