If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
