Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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