I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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