she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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