drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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