So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
