College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
