I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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