Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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