At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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