woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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