i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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