I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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