Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
