Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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