Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
