8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
