I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
