By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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