Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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