I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize