Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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