I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
