it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize