This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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