This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
