Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
