i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just high enough for therapy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
