Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
