I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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