i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
