i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
