i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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