guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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