all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
