She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
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Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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