So drunk its hurt
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
