True but thats because hes a fetus.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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