I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
