"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
