2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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