Little spoons don't ask big questions
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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