only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
