Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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