yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
