R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
