He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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