I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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