Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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