Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
