would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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