good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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