if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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