Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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