You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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