he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This toilet bowl is my home.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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