i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
