Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Of course I have a pirate flag
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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