She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There's even glitter on my cock...
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