Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
