Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
