Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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