if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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