My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I supernannyed him into submission
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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