Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
