i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
