Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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