dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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