You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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