How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
