when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
