The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
