Are we in a gay sports bar?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
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Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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