Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
