..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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