I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
