Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
