In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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