STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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