quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Semen is not good for contacts.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
