When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
